How Can I Keep From Singing?

This was a good friday. I had to wake up a bit earlier than usual to do some "homework" for Jason. He asked us to read a section from the book we are working on and I had not done it yet. Work went very fast this morning. We talked about what we had read, planned for our time at the apartment next tuesday (Laura, Dusty, and I will be going), spent some time talking about the lesson I'll teach on Sunday (we will talk about Peter's confession: "You are the Christ"), and spent some time praying for the trek trip. After a busy but productive morning Jason, Laura, Lindsey and I went to Zaxby's for lunch. Then I needed to take care of my car so I went to McKinney tire to replace my badly damaged right front tire. After Dad and I figured out payment everything went smoothly. I had been worried about my steering in my car because since I had the rack and pinion replaced there has a been a lot of movement and vibration in my steering wheel. That all went away once I got the new tires on so I am relieved it wasn't something more serious. After I got the car taken care of I  went home and started writing a couple of letters for the two teens that Jason chose as "crew leaders" for trek. Jason chooses younger members of the youth group so that they can be in a leadership role and hopefully continue as a leader once they get back from the trip. I know how meaningful words of encouragement were for me when I was learning to lead in high school so I wanted to give a blessing to the two very special young men who Jason chose. I am very proud of who they are and I am excited to see how God uses them. I spent some time praying and talking with Jason after I finished the letters. Jason had some difficulty with his computer and had to call tech support, the way he talked to them reminded me of Kristen, it made me laugh (He said they got it from Bruce). After leaving the church I went to Scott's house and ate dinner with his family and several others who also came over. After dinner the parents all sang through a Zoe worship book and I got to join in. I enjoy so much singing with groups like that. I don't get to do it enough at ACU, maybe I can try to be more involved in worship leading when I get back, I would enjoy it very much. I wish I had been given the gift of song writing, there is much in me I wish I could express in that way. I am very appreciative for the time of worship I shared with the group tonight. After leaving Scotts I came back and have been relaxing with Scott and Amy watching some TV. 

North Korea destroyed a nuke plant today! This reminds me of the vision many people have shared of a time when we would all give up our weapons and live in peace. I hope this is a taste of things to come, what a ray of hope in a violent world! 

Day Off

Today I had a nice long day off! Jason is going on trek with the youth on saturday and Shannon works on friday so he wanted to have the day off to spend time with her and so he gave me and Lindsey the day off as well. The plan was to sleep as long as possible but I got a wake-up call at around 9:40 from another person who had the day off today (she was way more productive than I was today). I got to talk to Kristen a lot today which was nice, I don't usually talk to her more than once or twice a day but I enjoyed spending the day with her over the phone. I went and ate lunch (grilled hotdogs and mac and cheese) with scott today at his house. After his dad got home and it became clear that scott needed to be working around the house I left and went to hastings. I spent some time browsing and ended up buying two books: 1) Same Kind of Different as Me, a true story about two men who will be coming to ACU to speak this september, and 2) Jesus for President, a challenging book by Shane Claiborne that challenges christians to think about where our allegiances lie. I have actually already read the Claiborne book, I bought it as a gift to a friend here who is in the military and who will be shipped out to Iraq soon after training. I hope this book both renews his hope and faith but also challenges him to think about his allegiance to God in new ways. After that the rest of the afternoon was spent mostly talking to Kristen online and reading. This was a relaxing day that I needed after a long and trying week. 

Appendix A

Well, my worst childhood fears came true this last weekend. After a whole day of pain in my stomach and an all-nighter in the ER, I had my appendix removed saturday morning. I started feeling a sick on friday afternoon but didn't think anything of it. We got back from Splashdown (a church trip out to a water park) around 1 in the morning and by that time I was feeling pretty terrible. I tried to take a hot bath and relax so I could sleep but it was not working for me. I ended up waking the Westjohn's around 2:30 and asked them to take me to hospital shortly after that when I started feeling like I was going to pass out. Jason showed up at the hospital a little while after and he stayed with me the whole night. I am really thankful for him, he did so much for me this weekend. I felt bad for him because I was in another world with the pain medicine they were giving me and he just had to sit there all night in that uncomfortable seat. After I was feeling better with the pain drugs and anti-nausea medicine I drank Barium Sulfate for the CT scan. Luckily for me they just upgraded to vanilla shake flavor so it wasn't too bad getting that stuff down. I waited a couple of hours to let that settle into all the important spots and then they wheeled me down for a photo-shoot. It wasn't too long after that when the doctor came in and told me that I had appendicitis and that I would have surgery in a few hours. I remember waiting in the recovery room for surgery for a long time. I kept falling asleep and every time I woke up I hoped that someone would tell me that the surgery was already over with. I went in to surgery close to 10 and woke up about an hour later. I left the hospital soon after that and went to Jason's house to recuperate. Soon after that Kristen showed up at Jason's house and seeing her made me feel much better. After being away from each other for about 4 or 5 weeks and having had surgery it was wonderful to get to see her. I think it made me miss her even more after she left though. The following days have been mostly taken up with rest and relaxation. Keep me in your prayers as I regain my strength. 

Unity

The other day I watched Star Wars episode 1 and ever since I have been thinking about how the unity movement of the Church of Christ is like Darth Vader. 

For those of you unfamiliar to Star Wars lore, Anikan Skywalker was discovered by two jedi as a young man full of potential in the force. In fact, he was so full of potential that the jedi council believed that he would bring balance to the force... he was the chosen one to bring everything to the light. However, over time, he got a big head, over-confident in himself, thought he could do more than he could and when he was threatened with the possibility of losing his wife he turned to the dark side for the power to control his fate. He ended up losing his wife and became a terrible tyrant otherwise known as Darth Vader. Most of you know how this ends: Darth Vader finds his son Luke and trys to convert him to the dark side which fails. When the Evil emperor is fed up trying to change Luke he decides to kill him and as Vader watches something happens... he shows compassion. He saves is son by throwing the Emperor down a random large hole in the middle of the room. Luke all through the movie insisted that there was still good within his father and Vader's dying words are "You were right." What looked like a broken promise and a hopeless darkness ended up bringing immense light. 

The Church of Christ began committed to unity. The idea was that if we could all just get back to scripture we could all agree and be one big happy family. 100 years later there are dozens of identifiable sects within the Church of Christ itself. It seems like the story is finished. There is not much talk about unity anymore within our churches, we failed, end of story. We have seen so much positive change over the last couple of decades in the Church of Christ though. We have largely become a more loving, graceful, thankful group of Christ followers and with these changes maybe the group that began with such promise and grand hope for unification can someday fulfill that potential. Maybe, after journeying through the darkness, we can point to the light. 

Here's some things I think we have learned, some things we still have to offer to the Unity conversation because of our unique journey:
1) Unity is a gift of grace from God
2) Unity emerges from a relationship with God
3) Some things are more important than others
4) Outward expressions of unity (worship preferences, aesthetic choices, how we name our churches) are no substitutes for deep expressions of unity (confession of the holy trinity)
5) Sometimes we are wrong
6) the Truth changes us into different kind of people, it does not give us authority to condemn

Can you think of other things we've learned along the way? 

Father's Day

During my prayer time on Tuesday I practiced the breath prayer. The first step of this prayer, after being silent for a while, is to hear Jesus speak these words: "What would you have me do for you?" Dusty instructed us to answer whatever first came to us, without analyzing it or dissecting it. My answer surprised me. "Hold me." I don't know where this request came from, it's not what I thought I would say. So often I see myself as sent out, one of the 72 who has been called on by Jesus to carry the gospel. I am not the one being lowered through the ceiling by his friends, no I am Paul, traveling, speaking, telling. But Tuesday I was drawn in. I took the time to look back and see Jesus standing there motioning me towards him. As I sat there I thought about God, the great silence, holding me. The mystery of God's silence often brings out anger in his people. "Why don't you speak", we ask, "just give us one word!" Yet he remains silent, his presence is enough. 

I thought about my Dad during that prayer time. He is quiet and patient, I can count on one hand the number of times he yelled while I was growing up. I can't remember if he ever really lectured me or my brother about anything yet we learned everything we needed from him. Being with him was enough. At the All Son's retreat when I was 13 we often walked to where we would be meeting with our arms around each other, John Ogren even commented about how we showed affection openly. Being held by my Dad made me the man I am. I cannot express how grateful I am to have had a father who was Christ to me in this way. A deep silence and open arms. 

Some Thoughts on Abstinence

1) it requires that you consider God even in your most passionate moments. You Honor God, not because of some Divine mandate that "You shall not have any fun before marriage" but because your mind is on God even as you are fully involved with your lover. I suspect that this habit of inviting God in, even at your most intimate and vulnerable, makes the marriage and sex all the more full. 
2) I have a secret: I think it would have been possible for Kristen and I to make love in a way that was very healthy without being married. As with any sin, it is not the act itself that is necessarily sinful but rather the underlying implications that really get you in trouble. I think Kristen and I could have been intimate in a way that honored each other and considered the other before ourselves, I think that having sex could have been a beautiful expression of our love for one another. But by taking this long pause before engaging in sex we told each other something that will profoundly shape our love for one another for the rest of our lives: I love God more than you. Sex is a spiritual practice. 

How Are We Different?

This week has been really great so far. Monday, Lindsey and I spent the morning with Dusty (the preacher at UCC) as he guided us through some thoughts on prayer and silence. He started off by asking us about our prayer lives, I talked about journaling and trying to pray throughout the day. After we discussed that he went on discuss prayer. He talked about how prayer means being mindful of God and impressed on me the importance of prayer in the life of a minister. I am looking forward very much to our meetings with Dusty every monday morning. I cannot tell you already how much of a difference having a guide and minister in prayer has made in my prayer life. I sense that this may be a key component to a deep spiritual life, one that, sadly, is often hard to find in churches. After our talk with Dusty he sent us to go practice what we had discussed. After about 45 minutes of prayer time the whole office went to lunch together at Larry's pizza. I enjoyed very much getting to know my co-workers better. The more I get to know Dusty the more I like and look up to him, I am lucky to have both him and Jason as guides this summer. Monday afternoon Lindsey and I worked on our plans for S.S.S. and then were done for the day. Monday night the Westjohns (the family I am now staying with) came over to Jason's and we ate dinner together. They are a nice family with two good young men in the youth group. Austin, the younger brother, reminds me a lot of Paul when he was that age. 

Tuesday was spent with the teens at S.S.S. and later swimming. S.S.S. went well for the first time. Jason said this was the largest group they have had show up and everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves. The bible story was perhaps a bit awkward but we will work out the kinks as we continue to try to communicate the story of Jesus to these children. The whole youth group went to lunch at wendy's then swimming at a family's house. I participated in a belly flop competition after being egged on by Jason and I am still recovering. Tuesday afternoon I moved into the Westjohn's house, the boys seemed excited about my arrival. That night we had a disappointing loss in softball and we only have one more game, this Thursday. 

Wednesday always has the potential of being a long day but this one was a nice exception. I went to breakfast with my geriatric gentlemen which was fun as usual. Jason then gave me the rest of the morning off because Lindsey was coming in until that afternoon. I spent part of the morning over at Hastings, browsing the book section. The rest of the morning I took the time to pray and practice silence. It was a deeply spiritual experience and I am thankful to Dusty and Henri Nouwen for helping me connect with my God. I went to lunch with Dusty and Jason which I really enjoyed. I got to learn a little bit about the church's history and was informed that I would be speaking on the last wednesday night I am in Arkansas. The church is doing a series entitled: God Helps those who Help Themselves and Other Misguided Notions about Faith. I will be speaking (From what I have been told, this is tentative though) about family not being the most important thing in our lives. It will be my last Wednesday night so I figure I can  offend everyone. 


My close friend Garrett and I share much of our spiritual journey together. One of the questions that is central to his walk and challenges me to think and act differently is this:  How does my life look different, as a Christian, from others who do not believe? I was reminded of this important question as I listened to Dusty talk about prayer. Dusty described prayer as a mindfulness of God. The our goal of ceaseless prayer means that we would always be mindful of God, aware of him during each moment of the day. What a beautiful difference that would make in our lives and in the lives of others! 


Getting into the Rhythm of Things

The last couple of days have gone by really fast. They have been spent mostly by spending time with the youth. Wednesdays are going to be long days. Jason and I eat an early breakfast with some of the older guys in the church around 7 and then we usually go to the office. This wednesday though we went and helped the Westjohns build their deck. I enjoyed working outside with Amy's dad (Alex and Austin's grand-dad), I'd like to spend more time with him learning everything he knows about building projects. After we left their house we went and helped Don (one of the guys we eat breakfast with) with his computer. We got to the office after lunch at worked on some stuff. Then that night we had a guy come in to talk to the kids about a church camp, Lindsey and I enjoyed this because it meant we didn't have to teach. After church the kids always stay afterwards and play games. I went outside and played basketball for a long time with a lot of them, which was a lot of fun. When I finally got home that night I was pretty exhausted. 

Thursday was another short day in the office spent playing with the youth group. We met the youth at the building around 11:30 then went and got taco bell before heading to the park to play wiffle ball. Afterwards I went with Noah, Aaron, Ryan, Allie, and the two Hayley's to go swimming then get ice cream. I went home, took a nap, and then played b-ball with Mason and Laura. Scott and Allie showed up right as we were leaving and said they wanted to do something so we went over to Laura's and played Star Wars monopoly while watching episode 1. It was a fun filled evening. 

I really enjoyed today, friday. Lindsey and I went in and worked on the lesson for sunday morning after that was done we went and took care of the shirts for S.S.S. We tried Zaxby's for lunch, which I am now I huge fan of and then Jason gave us the rest of the day off. I spent the afternoon asleep!

Tonight's softball game was great! We beat the 1st place team with a shut-out (5-0), I am  still excited about it!
  
I am speaking at the Men's Prayer Breakfast tomorrow. Pray for me to speak a word of truth. 

Playing Minister and Softball

Yesterday was a fun day. First of all I didn't have to go in to work until 10. Usually it's 9:30 which I also love, but it was good to sleep in until a nice round number this morning. I helped Laura a little bit organizing things and then we decided to take a little trip to her house to pick up a chair for her office. Problem: my car could not fit a chair in it. Solution: I got to drive Jason's truck. Oh baby! (I have a bit of a crush on Toyota trucks) When we got back to the church Jason informed us that Shannon had ordered pizza for everyone in the office. So Jason, Shannon, Lindsey, Pat, Laura and I went to Jason's house and broke crazy bread. When we got back to the church Lindsey and I started working on the S.S.S. (Sidewalk Sunday School - a time spent at a local apartment complex with kids playing various games and sports, eating snacks, and sharing the gospel) plans. We came up with what stories we wanted to tell the kids from Jesus' life and designed a t-shirt that looks really cool. I'll post a picture of it on here once we get them in. Jason had left to go get Laura a chair for her office so Lindsey and I talked for a long time while we waited. I was glad to finally get to know her, I think she will have a great positive impact on the kids this summer. After Jason got back we discussed what we had come up with for S.S.S. and then left for the day. I love being in the church office, it's a wonderful place to work and I like getting to play minister. After work I went home, ate dinner, and got ready for my softball game! I was so excited about playing, I've been looking forward to it since Jason told me about it. I've really missed playing baseball lately and softball is close enough to baseball to satisfy this longing. I was 1 for 3 with a single and an RBI (I think) and got plenty of action while playing first base. I am already looking forward to Friday's game!