Today (Saturday) was relaxed as well. I got up around 9:30 and lazed around until around noon when I went for a run on the nice trail right next to Jason's house. It was so hot and muggy that it was hard to really get going but I felt like I had worked out pretty hard. It was a good first run after a couple of weeks off. After my run I went for a nice car ride around Conway, I'm still trying to learn how to get around. This trip inevitably lead me to McCalister's for lunch, I was craving some sweet tea and I was missing Kristen (McCalister's was the last place we ate before she left). Not long after that I got a call from my new friend Austin to see if I wanted to hang out so I went and picked him up. We channel-surfed back at Jason's house until we decided to go get some pizza and watch a movie. We called a few more people to come over and ended up watching The Best of both Will Ferrell and Chris Farley. Overall it was a good night, I am really enjoying hanging out with my new friends and getting to know them better.
Henri Nouwen is known for his honest and intimate reflection about himself and his spiritual walk. He believed that in working out his inner struggles publicly he could help others face these same struggles within themselves. I hope that the following reflections (along with this blog in general) perform that role as well.
It is hard to pray. Much like exercise or any other discipline in life we can always come up with excuses. During the school year I can say, "When I have more time, I will pray more." Now that I have had plentiful free time I find other distractions to fill my time. It is uncomfortable to be quiet, to feel as if you are wasting time, wondering if what you are thinking and feeling is appropriate for prayer. I needed prayer today though, much of my thoughts lately have been centered on myself, more specifically how I can make a name for myself as a Christian leader. There are important questions behind this self-centeredness which makes it all the more confusing. How can I be more compassionate? How can I communicate Christ's love for this person more fluently? How can I behave more like a shepherd? These questions are good ones but I feel as though I should make important addendums: How can I be more compassionate for the sake of others? How can I communicate Christ's love for this person more fluently for the sake of the kingdom? How can I behave more like a shepherd for the sake of one lamb, lost and tired? As I contemplate on this, one image keeps returning to my mind. Every year around Christmas my family and I used to go to the library's Christmas festival. It was always a night that I looked forward to because it meant hot chocolate and the chance to write a letter to the real Santa. One year they had a petting zoo that included one small lamb. As I entered the petting zoo and looked around I quickly noticed this lamb because it was surrounded by a crowd of children clamoring to pet it, the lamb, meanwhile, was bleating in the corner, scared by all the noise and bustle. Eager to see what was going on I too joined the crowd and tried to pet the lamb. I don't know what prompted me to do this but I sat down cross-legged right next to the frightened animal and began petting it gently. It soon warmed up to me and came closer and closer until it laid down on my lap. The other kids around me began to ask my permission before they touched the lamb. I hope that my hands will bring peace, but this is a hard task for hands that are so accustomed to grasping and grabbing.
